Do you struggle handling hard or tricky conversations? 70% of people avoid difficult conversations. Well, I can help you.
You know those conversations that involve chaotic arguments, ego bursts, temper tantrums, ‘lecturers’, biting remarks? Don’t they annoy you sometimes? Sometimes you just want to skip to peace and productivity, don’t you? So what you you do?
What does it mean to be Zen?
Be calm, avoid stressing or worrying, or getting riled up by situations. The more we are in control, the more power we have and less power they have. Be the eye in the storm. Even as words get hotter, remain calm and aware. Decline the fight, on your terms. Decline the ego and desire to prove oneself. Instead, invite the conversation if it’s worth it short-term or long-term. Do you want to live a life in which people control ya like a remote? Switch you on _ switch you off?☝️no no.
What do you do to kill a mosquito sometimes 🦟?
Zap it. Precise and quick. Zap ≠ rude. It just means to close out unnecessary arguments or statements. How do you usually do it? Do you use a one liner and then excuse yourself, like “I’m sorry, I don’t have the answer to that”. “I’m here to talk about ‘A’ not ‘B’. That’s important”.
Just like getting a mosquito lined up, listen and let them talk on and on. Be still, move slowly without saying a word. Listen. When you have that mosquito in position, zap it. “I’m sorry, I don’t have the answer for that”. Avoid going down the rabbit hole with them. Don’t get trapped in a back-and-forth argument.
When it’s not worth the calories, zap it.
🤐 Zip it. Keep your mouth shut.
Don’t say a word. Ignore, and nicely get busy doing something. Maintain positive body language, so that nothing can be misinterpreted or triggering. Close the zip with something like “I’m going to work on something now”.
Recognize a zoo-ish situation.
That’s right. Humans act like ‘animals’ sometimes, yes? We are animal and intellect. So things can get out of control. In an argument, we have to discern whether to step back, or be the beast that shuts the chaos down. Btw, do you often know the kind of ‘animal(s)’ you are and others are? Knowing helps us to shape our communication instinct. A badger, a lion, a snake, an hyena, an octopus, a beaver …?
Zoom in and zoom out.
Zoom in on the key issues. What’s the deeper issue, agenda and emotion in this conversation? Listen, ask questions and take time to process things. Other times, zoom out to see the bigger picture. What’s the bigger goal here? Why waste time straying down unnecessary paths?
Tricky conversation?
Zen: Be calm
Zap: Close unnecessary conversations or statements
Zip: Keep your mouth shut. Avoid unfruitful
Zoo: Recognize *zoo situations and the nature of people.
Zoom: Zoom in on key issues, or zoom out to see the bigger picture.
Thanks for reading
Smart Communication Craft (✿◠‿◠)